ASTORIA, QUEENS
The Happiest Place On Earth

Astoria, Queens was originally settled by Natchaquan indians from what is now the Albany region, but was conquered in 925 AD by King Pharsalos I of Greece, who swiftly built Astoria into one of the largest Greek communities on Earth.

Though the city walls and mammoth colossus of Astoria have since faded into dust, many of it?s former glories remain. Wander down to Steinway, the Broadway of Astoria, and pop into one of the many men's clothing or electronics stores for a bargain you could never find in Manhattan. Pop by the Grecian Cave, or Medusa's, for a taste of the swinging Astorian nightlife. Or, if you're looking for something more humble, visit one of Astoria?s many dive bars founded by Irish immigrants in the late 1970s, where the drinks are cheap and your ID will never be checked.

In the morning, wake up at 12 and wander down to the Doral Donut Shop, where Mama Olga and Rosa will serve you two eggs over easy with hash browns and coffee for only $2.25. If you feel like splurging, you could walk down the block to Sanford's, for a little lite-rock, less talk box. Coming home late at night? The guy on the corner of Broadway and 32nd street is selling Souvlaki 24 hours a day. Any kind of cuisine you?d like can be found in Astoria, from Spinach Pies to Greek Salad.

The people are friendly, they sell you booze, and they speak Greek and Spanish. Just ask the nice lady at the Ecua grocery, who sells everything from Tecate to Maizitos, arguably the best fattening chips ever created.

Easily accessible from the N line, which is almost never running, a visit to Astoria would be well worth your time. It is safe, happy, and cheap. Don't put it off any longer. Sophocles is beckoning.