Future Report

Well here we are, the year 2000 and once again we find ourselves trapped in an appallingly primitive world. Every day we are assaulted by a pathetic lack of blinking lights, endless urban complexes, giant TV screens flashing Pepsi commercials, industrial concrete structures and above all, there is no break dance music following you everywhere you go. What I want to know is, what's the big hold up? Why aren't people preparing for the future? Just for starters why are companies still producing those ancient "dial" clocks when everyone knows that digital ones are way more efficient? With these old style clocks, you've got to look at the short hand, see where it's pointed, look at the long hand, see where it's pointed and then, since the minute numbers aren't printed on the face of these clocks, you've got to figure out (in your own head) what minute it actually is. It's ridiculous and often grossly inaccurate. If things had gone as scheduled, right now I'd being wearing a digital watch with which I could break computer codes and steal your money.

I've also noticed that a lot of people are still using names as identification when everyone knows that we should all be going by numbers. Although the prison system has made good use of the human numbering system, it has yet to make it into main stream society. I don't see why we can't just go by our social security numbers. This would eliminate the hassle of having to learn both your name and your social security number. In any case, I could go on and on mentioning areas where our society is behind the times. But I'm not going to waste my time. Just saying that most literature is still printed in books that people have to read, most lights are not colored and most land is not covered in grimy cement should give you a pretty vivid picture of the rut we're stuck in.

The problem is, nobody is even thinking about the future at all. We're in the midst of the ëAge of Apathyí. About 15 years ago, when everyone was getting ready for the future, we were making real progress. We had the Reagan Administration's Star Wars system to save us from the commies, we had enough of those Casiso keyboards coming in from Korea for everyone, and most importantly, we had real substantial plans for the future. Well now, relatively speaking, is the future, and we've really failed in carrying out our plans. I feel like the whole thing is a big rip off. I mean it was supposed to be robots doing all the work for every one and skateboards with engines on the back of 'em and flying cars and all that. But just look at the way thingsíve turned out. The only people I ever see preparing for the future are ravers, and they do a pretty half assed job of it usually. Occasionally Ill see a raver dressed in a suit of tin foil or something but that's about as good as it gets.

My biggest disappointment is the fact that there are no electronic gloves any more. They were going to be one of the best things about the future. The basic concept is you'd get this plastic glove that went on your right arm. They had cut off fingers and a large control panel over your wrist. Nobody really knew what they did except that they were very powerful. They could probably shoot people, receive messages, and possibly work as a remote control to drive your hover craft. Everywhere you looked people were talking about the gloves and if you happened to turn on your TV, there the electronic gloves were on an episode of Max Headroom. Everyone wanted one. Around 1987, (a climatic point in the ëAge of Preparing For The Futureí) news of the gloves reached Japan and the Nintendo corporation decided to cash in on the idea. They released the Power Glove^TM. Using the Power Glove^TM made playing your video games exponentially more difficult since it was a ridiculously inconvenient way to control them, but the glove looked really, really cool.

Well, sadly that was it for the glove idea. Iíve gone looking for them unsuccessfully. The last time I went out looking for one, I realized I was surrounded by trees, clear skies and people on bicycles. I just went home, locked my self in my room and played Herbie Hancockís Future Shock as loud as it would go.

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